Who said I can't express my anger? It is that I don't want to show you how much hurt I am. Yeah Don, I am very much angry on you. But I know you would seriously ask why and you don't know the reason behind it. I seriously doubt that could you actually feel the closeness we had from 3rd sem to 5th sem? But sorry I wouldn't say so. Yep, you were my best friend come brother during that time, even now ( for I am being the same ) and yet that's not the case with you. Or atleast you make me think like that.
I don't know how this distance came, and now there is big gap between you and me. Then one day, you will come and ask, who is she? And I would act normally :P Who knows? You may say, that I am the one thinking like that and there is nothing like that happening. Okay, I may agree with you, but why do I start thinking about this? There is some misunderstanding started somehow. And I don't even know how and when it was created. If at all, I could , sorry, we could sort it somehow and make the best friends back again.
Starting with a "Hi, started anything regarding the project? " in our 3rd sem, our friendship had a same wavelength which you even told me. Then during the events conducted in our dept,the classworks we had daily, everything we used to discuss. Do I even have to say about internals and semester? I don't think I would have studied without you rushing up and helped me study. You were such a best friend of mine who helped me in doing everything. You would also show me whatever you are doing is correct, and ask me a suggestion is that okay? you know what, I just liked that you are asking me to tell that is correct and it makes me so special like i am your best friend. And so, whatever it is you have done so many things to me, and at least all i could do is wishing my brother all success and everything good should happen.
But later on, as a GS, you gave us all works like setting question papers. At that moment, I felt like you were there to help me and I can finish it. But you were not. You were very busy during these last few months and I couldn't say a word. you wouldn't deny it but postpone it. So, I have got to do it all alone. Then with two or more incidents, I got used to it. So, you will be busy and I wouldn't question you further. All I have to do was to deal with my disappointments.
See, whenever our routine was like before giving a speech you would send me that speech and you would read that to me no? I was like one among our rules, or just I felt so. And when it was my first time to speak on the dias, you were not online to see the speech I wrote, you were not there when I spoke and you didn't even care when I was listening to the video of my talk on the dias, when I got it later. I felt like are you even caring me?
And when I spoke everything out to you on my birthday night, it was not a fight for status. I know you like me. But as a friend, if you are not keeping that much of a status for me, then how can you keep something better to someone else? Won't it make me feel that I am not that important to you than them? see, even now I am not talking about any dramatic status for me. When people around me say: " Is Rakesh your friend? I didn't know. I feel like he is not even talking or being close to you than how he is acting with me." It hurts me when people say stuff like this. It is like I am the one keeping on saying that I am your friend and the other side is not so. You may say, why do you even care about what others say? Yeah, I know don, I obviously know you. And so I was being quiet all these times. But you do have to think from my situation. It happens right?
At times, I will wait for you to come see me at your busy schedules. But you won't. And some times, you will even say that ' we are daily talking over phone right? Then what ?' Yeah, Nothing. Let me leave. It is not like we are meeting after so many days after this intern. I can survive. And we are talking no? then what's the problem with me? I should have guessed this.
And If you are not able to come meet me when I asked you to come over, you should have said no, I cant come. I should have left don, without expecting anything. But everytime, this happens. I feel wounded.
And when you said once that you felt like I am distancing myself from you, it was actually happening. And when you said that I just felt like telling you, at that moment, I felt like you are saying like I do always and I reacted like you. I said " There is nothing like that. Don't think anything".
I felt bad for behaving so rude on that day. That was why I even asked you sorry. I tried to suppress everything down and started talking normally.
And this is the story of you in my diary. I wish we could return back to the olden days when I felt that close friend and caring brother is still there for me.
Morever, don't take anything in the wrong way. This is what I felt all these times and now all are in words. That's it. End of story. Wait to see if there is some thing towards the happiee blossoming turning.
I don't know how this distance came, and now there is big gap between you and me. Then one day, you will come and ask, who is she? And I would act normally :P Who knows? You may say, that I am the one thinking like that and there is nothing like that happening. Okay, I may agree with you, but why do I start thinking about this? There is some misunderstanding started somehow. And I don't even know how and when it was created. If at all, I could , sorry, we could sort it somehow and make the best friends back again.
Starting with a "Hi, started anything regarding the project? " in our 3rd sem, our friendship had a same wavelength which you even told me. Then during the events conducted in our dept,the classworks we had daily, everything we used to discuss. Do I even have to say about internals and semester? I don't think I would have studied without you rushing up and helped me study. You were such a best friend of mine who helped me in doing everything. You would also show me whatever you are doing is correct, and ask me a suggestion is that okay? you know what, I just liked that you are asking me to tell that is correct and it makes me so special like i am your best friend. And so, whatever it is you have done so many things to me, and at least all i could do is wishing my brother all success and everything good should happen.
But later on, as a GS, you gave us all works like setting question papers. At that moment, I felt like you were there to help me and I can finish it. But you were not. You were very busy during these last few months and I couldn't say a word. you wouldn't deny it but postpone it. So, I have got to do it all alone. Then with two or more incidents, I got used to it. So, you will be busy and I wouldn't question you further. All I have to do was to deal with my disappointments.
See, whenever our routine was like before giving a speech you would send me that speech and you would read that to me no? I was like one among our rules, or just I felt so. And when it was my first time to speak on the dias, you were not online to see the speech I wrote, you were not there when I spoke and you didn't even care when I was listening to the video of my talk on the dias, when I got it later. I felt like are you even caring me?
And when I spoke everything out to you on my birthday night, it was not a fight for status. I know you like me. But as a friend, if you are not keeping that much of a status for me, then how can you keep something better to someone else? Won't it make me feel that I am not that important to you than them? see, even now I am not talking about any dramatic status for me. When people around me say: " Is Rakesh your friend? I didn't know. I feel like he is not even talking or being close to you than how he is acting with me." It hurts me when people say stuff like this. It is like I am the one keeping on saying that I am your friend and the other side is not so. You may say, why do you even care about what others say? Yeah, I know don, I obviously know you. And so I was being quiet all these times. But you do have to think from my situation. It happens right?
At times, I will wait for you to come see me at your busy schedules. But you won't. And some times, you will even say that ' we are daily talking over phone right? Then what ?' Yeah, Nothing. Let me leave. It is not like we are meeting after so many days after this intern. I can survive. And we are talking no? then what's the problem with me? I should have guessed this.
And If you are not able to come meet me when I asked you to come over, you should have said no, I cant come. I should have left don, without expecting anything. But everytime, this happens. I feel wounded.
And when you said once that you felt like I am distancing myself from you, it was actually happening. And when you said that I just felt like telling you, at that moment, I felt like you are saying like I do always and I reacted like you. I said " There is nothing like that. Don't think anything".
I felt bad for behaving so rude on that day. That was why I even asked you sorry. I tried to suppress everything down and started talking normally.
And this is the story of you in my diary. I wish we could return back to the olden days when I felt that close friend and caring brother is still there for me.
Morever, don't take anything in the wrong way. This is what I felt all these times and now all are in words. That's it. End of story. Wait to see if there is some thing towards the happiee blossoming turning.